The Emotional Challenge of Transitioning a Loved One

Few decisions are as emotional as moving a parent or family member into memory care—or deciding to bring them into your home for support. It’s not only a logistical shift, but also a deeply personal one that affects everyone involved.

I recently came across an article in Brain and Life about this very topic, and it resonated with me because I’ve been through the process myself. It’s hard, but there are ways to make it easier on your loved one and on yourself.

Practical Steps for a Smoother Transition

Here are some lessons learned that can help if you’re facing this transition:

1. Allow Time for Adjustment
   Moving a loved one into memory care isn’t a “drop off and walk away” moment. Be prepared to spend several days with them to establish consistency. Plan on at least five days if possible—you’ll provide comfort and reduce the sense of abandonment.
2. Be Their Advocate Every Day
   It goes well beyond just being present. For the first month, you need to watch closely. Make sure your loved one is receiving the right medications and that they’re being administered on time. Don’t assume it will happen automatically—you must be the watchdog during this critical period.
   And when staff changes occur (as they often do), be prepared to “re-educate” them about your loved one’s needs. This can feel repetitive, but it’s essential. By showing up regularly and making yourself known as a partner rather than a critic, you’ll build trust with the staff while ensuring your relative gets the care they deserve.
3. Provide Support and Orientation
   Early on, your loved one will need reminders about where they are and where things are located. In a facility, that may mean staff guiding them to the cafeteria or recreation areas. At home, it may mean showing them their bedroom or bathroom multiple times. Gentle repetition helps build familiarity.
4. Surround Them With Familiar Items
   Familiarity matters. Bring in their favorite chair, a quilt, family photos, or even a favorite bureau. These personal touches make an unfamiliar place feel more like home and can ease the sense of disruption.
5. Keep a Consistent Schedule (Where Possible)
   At home, routines are powerful. If your dad eats dinner at six o’clock, do your best to maintain that. In a facility, meal times may not be flexible—that’s in their control—but you can still build consistency in other parts of the day. For dementia patients especially, structure reduces confusion and stress.
6. Use Gentle Reminders at Home
   Simple notes—like a 3x5 card on the fridge that says, “Your lunch is in the refrigerator” or “I’m at work today”—can help keep your loved one oriented without overwhelming them.
7. Don’t Forget Respite Care
   Caring for someone with dementia or other health needs is demanding. Don’t overlook your own well-being. Arrange respite care so you can rest and recharge. A burned-out caregiver isn’t good for anyone.

Balancing Care and Self-Care

One of the hardest truths for caregivers to accept is that you cannot pour from an empty cup. While your focus is naturally on your loved one, your health and energy matter too. Whether it’s leaning on respite care, asking family for help, or simply giving yourself permission to step back for an afternoon, these breaks are essential.

The Bottom Line

Transitioning a loved one into health care for the elderly—or into your own home—can feel overwhelming. But with time, advocacy, familiar surroundings, and a plan for your own self-care, you can make the process gentler for everyone involved.

If you’ve been through this, you know how difficult and emotional it can be. And if you’re just now facing it, know that you’re not alone.

Special thanks to Lynda B. for sharing her personal experiences and insights to this article.